In keeping with the past few months leading up to this wedding, this is not a speech but a bullet point list so If I start to veer off course, please someone shout!

It is great to see you all here, not only to see all of our nearest and dearest in one place but also to quantify how much rentable space we actually have when the cost of living crisis really hits!

Some of you might think that we've rushed into this wedding or that it was a bit shotgun in light of Felix. In fact we've had it planned since 2014 when I finally proposed after already a decade of being together.

The truth is in the fine print: Milly is morally entitled to bring in a 3rd party husband after 10 years and I couldn't face giving up the spare bedroom or being relegated to it.

Milly and I have been together for a while, so long without marriage that we adopted the date of the proposal as our anniversary, which, come to think of it is in 5 days time. September will be busy!

The original date of our first getting together is up for discussion but taken from around the time that we met…

• If we were a whiskey, we'd be somewhere in the region of £100-£250.
• If we were a wine, we'd likely be undrinkable by now but could still be bought for around £70… unless you're feeling brave in which case a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild will set you back around £1200.
• We are older than South Sudan (what an acolade).
• We predate the XBox… which I believe is a kind of electrical gaming device.
• We are older than the iPod.
• Were together before Gavin Hensons International debut…I think that that might be a sports reference?
• Are older than Hear Say, Pop Idol winners and on that note I should probably move on!

Put short, we have been together for a while and I am very much looking forward the future.

Now for the thank yous…

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Milly, my beautiful wife
…for holding on for dear life throughout everything we have ever done and for the endless optimism that you exude which gets the best out of us both. That endless optimism convinced me that we could pull all of this off.

You have been an outstanding:

• event planner;
• organiser;
• decorator;
• artistic director;
• home maker;
• gardener;
• and mother to our beautiful son.

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Mum, Dad & Christine
…for agreeing to and performing the readings with such amazing gusto!

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My parents, Joanna included
…for getting me to where I am today and for never giving up on me.

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Christine & Henry – Milly's parents
…for bringing up such a wonderful, kind, intelligent daughter but mostly for being so willing in our early days to let their daughter hang out with her pierced and multicolour haired gay friend, turns out that I'm not gay and never was!

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Mum and Christine & Henry – Our defensive line
…for occupying our own little Pavarotti for us on many occasions to give us time to sort things out for today.

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Laura
…my knot tying, chalkboarding, baby sitting, cocktail mixing, ideas factory of a sister; always ready to help at a moment's notice and forever putting others first.

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Dad
…for everything and more. Most of all for lending me these outstanding shoes (if you ever need to borrow any if my clothes then just holler).

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Mum
…again, for all of your support and help, for always being present and an open ear when I've needed it.

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Will – Our very own Alan Titchmarsh
…for both designing the garden and forcing a smile all day having seen what we did with that plan. Also for the much needed advice leading up to this speech.

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Alex – My brother-in-law
…for providing the sound system for the day and setting it all up.

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Ant
…for your loyalty, and willingness to provide for those close to you. Also, for getting the furniture upon which you are all sat here and back without even a question.

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Adam – Our resident hackerman
…for writing the server-side facility with which you can all upload your photos. Some of you might not be so thankful to him when I finally get round to publishing them.

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Sylvia – Our patient next door neighbour
…for letting us use her garden, I cannot imaging what this would have been like with you all and a gazebo. Most especially for putting up with DIY at 2AM!

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Max & Abby – Our brilliant bar keeps
…for making us feel so welcome at our not-so-local local each Sunday as Milly and I plotted and schemed today's events over a roast dinner. More so for ensuring that you are all as drunk as you are willing to get.

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Caterers – Jo owner of Enak
…for bringing his first hand experience to bear when cooking the fantastically authentic food.

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Mike
…for tireless support. Tom, my bestest man recently passed away (apologies to all other dogs in attendance but he was the best boy). Throughout the search, Mike kept me going with encouragement and ideas which ultimately led to us finding him.

Shouts to Laura and Alex as well for your help!

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Finally, to all of you for coming.
It is extremely important that today was shared with you all. Your attendance has made the day so special. Whilst some of you managed to come all the way from next door, Sylvia, some of you have come from much further afield:

• Margot & Jim, you are in third place, from Bieritz, 898KM;
• Patty, in second place from California, 8496KM;
• Haniff, 10500KM, all the way from Kuala Lumpur.

Haniff unfortunately could not make it and so everyone moves up a spot on the podium.

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Anyone I've forgotten?
There is a form on the website, if you could just fill it in with your name, email and reason, you will receive an automated response!